Pensive Moments
by foolondahill17
Summary: "The glass was cruel, a barrier. More than once he found his mind flitting – feverishly, uncontrollably – to the idea of shattering it, of setting her free and into his arms." The best of Severus Snape was his biggest regret.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Three Cheers

Summary: "Three cheers for Neville Longbottom, the true Head Boy of Hogwarts!" Sweet innocence amongst the turmoil of Hogwarts year seven.

Rated: k

Disclaimer: own it I do not

Author's Note: I guess this is considered fluff. Not my best work but I was sifting through my stories looking for something to post and came across this molding in a file. I hope someone enjoys it.

* * *

"Everyone knows if Harry were here he'd be the real Head Boy," said Neville.

"Maybe – they didn't make him Prefect," said Ginny with a shrug.

"Yeah, but that was just a fluke," said Neville, "Who else could possibly be chosen?"

"You," said Luna.

Neville looked at her in surprise. Luna did say the most amusing thing sometimes. He expected the others to burst into laughter, as he had done. "_Me_?" he said when no one did.

"Of course, Neville," said Luna.

* * *

"Do you think she meant it?" said Neville to Ginny as they walked together to Gryffindor table. It was the morning after the D.A. meeting of the last night. "About me being Head Boy?"

"Of course she did. Luna doesn't tell lies," said Ginny.

Neville thought to himself for a moment before continuing, "But she's the only one right? None of you others think I'd be good. You all know I'm rubbish at that kind of thing."

Ginny smiled but didn't look at him. "Not necessarily, Neville." By then they had reached the Gryffindor table and sat down.

"What do you mean?" said Neville quickly, "Not necessarily?"

"Not necessarily you're rubbish at that sort of thing. After all, you're leading _us_ alright," answered Ginny, spooning eggs and bacon onto her plate.

"Well, _leading_ isn't exactly the right word for it," said Neville, "Besides, I've got loads of help – and Harry paved the way."

Ginny looked at him. "You need more self-confidence, Neville." She munched a forkful of egg. "Why don't you just own up to your accomplishments? Take credit for what you've done. You of all people deserve the right to brag."

Neville blushed but resisted the urge to look away. He stuffed a spoonful of porridge into his mouth to prevent himself from replying.

"After all," continued Ginny, "If it wasn't for you half of this stuff wouldn't be able to pull off. You know I'm rubbish at planning – if you had me in head I'd probably get us all thrown into Azkaban. And for all her loveliness I wouldn't let Luna within six feet of a plan, she'd end up giving all the important parts to the Snornacks."

Neville snorted. Ginny smiled and began eating again.

He pushed his way back into the conversation, "But there are other people besides me who could do it. Seamus and Parvarti are smart. They could manage without me. So could Terry and Michael."

"Michael isn't that smart," said Ginny. "Besides, you're missing the point. People _trust_ you, Neville. You're easy to get along with. People look up to you."

Ginny was off her rocker, but he felt his insides flare with a sudden warmth and said to distract himself, "No they don't."

"Yes they _do_," said Ginny, "You're just as good, maybe better than Harry. You're here, right now, being strong and pushing us on. You – you're like a rock. You're – _unshakable_. People rally to you. They look to you for strength rather than hope."

"Ginny, stop being – you don't have to –"

"The only thing I'm being is serious," said Ginny, "And I don't _have_ to do anything."

Neville dropped his head and poked his porridge with his spoon.

"I think you'd be a smashing Head Boy, Neville," said Ginny. From her voice he could tell she was grinning.

Neville stared at his porridge. He felt his face glow warm. "You're just saying that."

"No I'm not! I'm really not!" said Ginny. She seemed to have forgotten about breakfast entirely and was boring into his head with her eyes. He could feel her like the heat of a fire. "And everyone else thinks it too! You're much better than Harry because you're _here_."

"Everyone else doesn't think it –" Neville looked up, forced himself to look her in the eye and found himself bombarded with rank insistency.

"They do – _they do_!" said Ginny, "And I'll prove it! I'll prove they want you." She grabbed hold of her goblet of pumpkin juice, and before Neville could stop her, hoisted herself up to stand on the bench.

"Three Cheers for Neville Longbottom! The true Head Boy of Hogwarts!" she cried in a voice that reached every corner of the Great Hall.

Neville felt his heart stop. He looked quickly to the staff table but the Carrow siblings were, as yet, only staring at Ginny in ugly shock. The hall went utterly silent. "_Ginny_…." he muttered, but couldn't even hear his own voice.

Then there was an uproar. All around him people were getting to their feet. Pumpkin juice was flying through the air as goblets were raised.

"Three Cheers for Neville Longbottom!" bellowed Seamus.

"Hip, Hip, Hooray!" breathed Luna from the Ravenclaw table.

"Three Cheers for Neville!" shouted Lavender and Parvarti in unison.

"To Longbottom!" cried Terry, Michael, and Anthony from Ravenclaw.

"Good ol' Neville!" shouted Ernie from Hufflepuff.

"Three Cheers!" cried Hannah.

And then a great many voices Neville didn't recognize joined in. People he didn't even know were standing and taking up the cheer. All around him Hogwarts was calling in one voice for Neville Longbottom, Head Boy.

"To the true Head Boy!" "Long Live Neville!" "Take that, Malfoy!" "To Neville Longbottom!" "Three Cheers!"

Neville buried his head in his arms because there really wasn't anything else to do. Beside him Ginny dismounted the bench and hissed into his ear, "_See_? I told you."


	2. Chapter 2

Severus stood up from the Slytherin table and walked to the door of the Great Hall. He craned his head over his shoulder and students grumbled as he walked into them.

There she was.

Sitting at the Gryffindor table with him.

With him.

He was sitting _right next to her_.

As Severus watched she tossed her hair over her shoulder and said something to Potter. She stood abruptly and turned to leave. She caught sight of Severus and marched over.

"Gosh, Potter is such an idiot," she said bad-temperedly, "Come on, Sev. Let's go."


	3. Chapter 3

She was smiling. She had always been smiling. Her hair was glistening, burgundy in the poor lighting. Her eyes – oh, her eyes – didn't bring pleasure anymore. They reminded him of – of the Potter brat – _her_ son. They were jarring, familiar but not comforting.

The classroom on the third floor bid him unceasingly. He felt his dreams tormented by the thought of it – of her waiting. He would sneak through the castle – unaware, in a dream – until he found her.

The glass was cruel, a barrier. More than once he found his mind flitting – feverishly, uncontrollably – to the idea of shattering it, of setting her free and into his arms.

It was hard to be always so unselfish so there she would be, alive and happy with _him_.


	4. Chapter 4

Her name was Lily. She had red hair and green eyes and was an impeccable potioneer since her first class. He heard her and her friends talking outside the classroom, wondering why she always got poor marks, wondering why he hated her.

She wanted to be a Healer. Stupid, Hufflepuff girl who had everyone fooled – the brightest, most likable witch of her year. She was going places, they said.

She needed a N.E.W.T. in Potions and he would never – would rather die –

Somehow she pushed through. Somehow she kept coming back to the class, even after he failed her, again and again because she was an overachiever, a self-satisfied brat – anything he could come up with. Because she had almond shaped green eyes and too many similarities….

Finally she bubbled into tears over her boiling cauldron and left her things for her friends to collect. She never came back and Severus felt triumphant at her broken dream, her shattered ideals….

Her name was Lily. She had red hair and green eyes and had only been so bright at Potions because of _him. _


	5. Chapter 5

One day he heard them talking. He was a third year and imagining what he could possibly say that would speak "Lily, do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me?" "Of course, Sev. I always go with you." "No, I mean _with_ me…."

He heard them talking. Black with his careless grace, Potter with his arrogance – scheming at how best to get Evens – they called her _Evens_! – to Hogsmeade with Potter. Severus felt his blood boil and reached for his wand because they were degrading, insulting her –

The werewolf said, his voice casually naïve, "But isn't Lily Snape's girl?"

The others laughed uproariously. Severus felt his anger reach pitch and heart leap in a towering pull of conflicting emotions….

The werewolf shrugged it off, "Just something I've heard people talking about." They walked away and Severus stayed hidden behind the corner. He'd let them go…this time, and raced off to go find Lily, where she'd ask him what he was smiling so about.


	6. Chapter 6

He didn't like to say her name. He tried not to address her as Lily. He tried to address her as nothing at all – "How was Transfiguration?" "Did you get much homework in Charms?" "What are you doing for Christmas?"

_"I love you…"_

With her name scrawled on a rock next to Potter's he found it nearly impossible to say her name. James and…. _She's_ dead. _She's_ gone. _She_ married Potter. He killed her.

Lily – Lily

He killed _Lily_.

He didn't know why as a teenage boy he had found her name so taboo. It would have been pleasant to remember how the currents and undulations of the constants and vowels felt like coming off his tongue. It would have nice to remember the sound of Lily Evens in his own voice rather than Lily Potter whispered by so many others.

Lily – Lily

Her name was _Lily_.


End file.
